Kerala is an Indian state located on the southwest coast of the country. During the V-Four’s time in India we had heard amazing stories of this faraway land. The legends told of Ayurvedic massages, white sandy beaches, and all you can eat jumbo prawns. So we booked an overnight 14hr train ride to visit this land of promise and possibility. After our crash and burn bus experience, we decided we might be better suited for train travel. It turns out that just because you have a “Class 3A Sleeper Car Beds for Four” train ticket does not necessarily mean that there won’t be at minimum 3-4 Indians already sleeping under your covers. So we decided to call it a 50 person Indian style slumber party and managed to nuzzle our way into the bunks. On arrival in Kerala we first toured Varkala. This place is a beachy paradise with delicious cocktails and fresh fish and lots and lots and lots of t-shirts with a lifesize photo of Gandhi’s face on the front. (Don’t worry. We got one for each of you.) So we spent our day at the beach and even made an attempt at bodysurfing which sadly resulted in the sacrifice of my fave blue sunglasses to the Arabian Sea. These were quickly replaced with snazzy aviators during the most intense power shopping event of all time. During this event the V-four finally gained the upperhand in the Indian bargain sector by introducing boardwalk salesmen to the puppy dog protruding bottom lip. After a Keralan feast and four Diet Coke’s (these are a rarity in Indian culture and for some reason taste like liquid heaven) we bedded down at the Kerala Bamboo house. This place is the best bargain in town. For 20 bucks a night you get your own little bamboo hut complete with pink mosquito net and a roofless bathroom with jungle painted walls. It is quite an experience to look up from your bathroom to see palm trees swaying, the occasional bird flying overhead and the constant fear that shitdevil monkeys may have migrated west in the last week. After a breakfast of crepes we checked outta our huts and bused over to a town called Alleppey. It was in this town that we boarded our “Deluxe Three Hour Guided Tour of the Keralan Backwaters…complete with tasty snacks and cool beverages…all aboard an elegant wicker cruiseliner” Ok. No no no no no. That brochure is a bold face liar and we know it. The truth is that the Vellore Four were sent on a never ending Eufaula Lake float trip with a non verbal teenage boy who, when asked if it was snack time, pulled over to the side of a canal to an establishment I would describe as “Starbucks of India Village”. This joint is run by this lady who’s making chai and onion donuts in her hut kitchen and then these two jokesters that basically just stand around and eat all the donuts. (that’s them waving at the door of the “Starbucks.”) We bonded with the locals and proceeded to experience longest float trip ever. And I do have to say that the Backwaters are actually very gorgeous and a lot like India’s version of Venice with all these little canals and villages and you should definitely go there next time you’re in India. We washed off the backwaters at our hotel which I have to give a little shout out to for providing us with a large turning point in our travel plans for the remainder of India 2009. Liz happened upon 4 inch antennas, likely belonging to biggest ever cockroach peaking out from behind a mirror, and thus..Readers…The Vellore Four are no longer selecting hotels from the Budget section of the travel book and from now on will only take suggestions from items under the bolded heading “Luxury”.
So anyways we notified the authorities and got the heck outta dodge and spent Sunday in Kochin. This town is wonderful and has a forever long row of big Chinese fishing nets where some guys climb all over this unstable wooden structure to catch fish that they’ll sell you for super cheap and then grill it up with some rice on the side. So we ate that and then managed to squeeze in a tour of a basilica, a cathedral, a Jewish synagogue, and a little Indian antique shopping. We even had time for Chinese take out before boarding our overnight train towards the east where we battled the Indians in a cruel game of freeze out and don’t give the Americans bedding. But we bundled our bodies in mosquito nets, new scarves and head lamps and as soon as the frostbite lets up we’ll carry home the gold and deposit our love letter to India in the big red box pictured above.
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